I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Randomize
