Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Randomize
