sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
