wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
