is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
