WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
