I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
