Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
