Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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