I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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