oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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