i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
