Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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