i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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