Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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