I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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