Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Randomize
