girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
