So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
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