True but thats because hes a fetus.
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Randomize
