Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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