guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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