Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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