Is it normal to miss your booty call?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
