why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
