GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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