Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
