I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
