wrigley field is MILF paradise
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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