My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I can't put those talents on a resume
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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