I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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