so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Randomize
