I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
