About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Randomize
