she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
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