dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
