i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
