Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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