every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
