Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
