Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
there's paper in my vomit.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Randomize
