I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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