trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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