I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
