Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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