Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Randomize
