She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Randomize
