It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
