Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
My Sexting was not on an AP level
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
