mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
