there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Randomize
