This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
