Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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