A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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